my old chef.

I found a few sad things out today about my old job so many changes..man and to look back on how much fun it was in the beginning and how one place held such importance and the sense of family to now be this -key people have parted ways and now it's just a memory.
Terry moved back to England just sold everything and left :( he was like a father while I was working giving each other shit, learning, the usual stuff. I talked to an old friend today that was good to feel connected again to the field. I really don't feel like I have any friends at times except the random few from jobs along the way. I have tried several times to connect with other mothers with no luck. We did a meet-up group at the park today for couples - less than impressed everyone was so pretentious. I love peeling the layers away from human interactions as people try to gain the perfect image or social status by job/house/car/dressing the "certain" way. I think I would be better off like my husband said afterwards about me -that I would be just fine living in a yurt in Montana? Not sure about Montana but I am happy being with my child and not dealing with the drama of the world. I like having the satisfaction of doing things being self-sufficient as much as possible. Having a baby sure can be isolating if you let it I have been so selfless in a sense because she has needs she can't yet meet them for herself I give up doing things I want like some classes I have been eying or the concerts/trips/ grownup stuff. I just wish things were different having a better support system would ease some of the stress on my plate but other than that and the stress of house projects I am fine.

having a kitchen - I remember those days

Let me start off by saying I love having a kitchen and until it is gone for months undergoing a remodel do you not realize even a sucky small kitchen was better than nothing. I feel like we are camping all day everyday when it comes to preparing a meal blahhhhhhh I once did not appreciate the minimal effort it required to turn the knob on the stove for heat to cook until just to prepare eggs in a pan on the camp stove and it ran out of fuel and then you have to turn on the bbq and have it not blow up in your face due to the starter switch being broken all for simple eggs.. so I have become very creative like making pasta in the microwave.. I have a soulless gaping hole of a kitchen - I love cooking and being a chef but I have little inspiration these days- especially since I am not working in the profession now and can't be spoiled by space, nice equipment, and dishwashers. I want to make Ava's first birthday cake but who knows about that right now.
I think I have been losing some weight so can't complain too much that's the only positive of not having one.

Why does it matter?

I think blogs are strange writing like it is a diary online but for everyone to read kinda doesn't seem real- I am too candid which translates as my husband would say wearing my heart on my sleeve which I think is not good -but sorry I am not fake so it is what it is and I am what I am...... and take me how you want.